The scouting report on the 10x all star and 3x Olympic Gold Medalist, career 24.8 ppg scorer and “present” New York Knicks forward: his pull up game, specially from the right side of the court is unbelievable. His pull out game… apparently not so good…


I hedge this piece with a healthy prefacing of allegedly to every allegation regarding Carmelo Anthony, because as of today nothing has been confirmed or verified as true… no matter how loudly the Internet says so. However, if it is proven that Melo impregnated a “dancer from a New York Gentleman’s Club aka stripper then he joins Paul George at the head of the Special Ed class with a major in “WTF”.


I am not exactly a strip club connoisseur, but in Miami I have a few male friends that work in these establishments and have been known to visit them on occasions. First off none of the places in Miami that any of the NBA players frequent has any gentleman in them, a healthy dose of trap music, no matter how nicely wrapped, makes it a Strip Club. I am always on team no snitch, and that includes any form of “dry snitching”, but reporting widely known information does not count right?

My numbers are unscientific of course, but I would say 10 years ago there was still lots of truth to Chris Rock’s comedic claim (and song) that “there’s no sex in the champagne room.” Generally speaking, dancers in these clubs did little more than dance. Today, strip club culture and expectations appear to have completely changed. Let’s just put it this way… a stripper who “only” dances may now be the rarity. So, knowing this, who is going raw dog with strippers, specially with so much to lose…i.e. money and families?

All conjecture aside, if Carmelo Anthony did indeed impregnate the dancer who is apparently 6 and half months pregnant, it would explain why the news reported only a day earlier that his wife La La Anthony had moved out of the marital residence. Carmelo Anthony is in the midst of a guaranteed contract that will pay him $124 Million through the 2019 season. His two previous contracts were $66 and $80 and $10 Million. That will be over $280 Million dollars in NBA money through his 2019 season and barring injury it will probably not be his last. This also does not include lucrative endorsement deals, such as his Brand Jordan deal that Melo has been a part of throughout his present 13 year career.

He has been married for over 7 years, but with La La much longer, and they share a 10 year old son. I am unsure if they have a prenuptial agreement, but even if they do, it is safe to say that the long term nature of their relationship would still entitle La La to a healthy portion of his amassed wealth. Marriages fail for a myriad of reasons, but side stripper babies, if true, are about the dumbest look for a brand ambassador in the country’s biggest media market… Melo is about to make Floyd “Money” Mayweather’s strip club exploits look like child play with the amount of support he might be forced to pay if these allegations are true.


If true, it would also explain why Melo seemed to take the high road with Phil Jackson and the Knicks throughout this past tumultuous season. When you know you have a side stripper baby on the way, it definitely eases the inclination to have too much bass in one’s voice and talk *hit in the NY papers, who have a field day on any excuse to demonize celebrities who have taken any type of moral high ground with skeletons in the closet.

This has indeed been a tough year for Melo. His career with the NY Knicks, backed by Phil Jackson’s recent comments, likely appears over and unless Maury reveals he is not the father, the state of his marriage is not looking good either. I like Melo. I Think he is a great scorer. I did not think he was a great fit for my beloved franchise, but I do not blame him for the state of our dysfunctional affairs.

I generally do not have much sympathy for people who voluntarily contribute to their own demise… raw dogging strippers would probably count, but again, if true, I feel bad for the man. The money, he can afford, but seeing any man potentially lose his family for mistakes made is always a little disheartening, even if the man is to blame for those mistakes. Obviously Paul George did not serve as enough of an example. Perhaps moving forward, Carmelo will be that example of others to take heed. Of course that is probably asking too much, but If I was Trojan/Magnums I would try and get star players like Paul George and Carmelo to endorse the brand. My vision for the commercial would be a split screen shot of both of them in mansions sitting behind beautiful oak desks, pens in hand… writing… as the camera zooms closer it becomes clear they are writing checks… the camera zooms in closer and a ridiculous dollar amount is written on the check… the note reads “For this month’s child support…warning to others Trojans/Magnums are a much better investment”… fade out

If any other brands need my consulting services… you can reach me here.



#CarmeloAnthony, #LalaAnthony, #PaulGeorge, #stripper, #dancer, #pregnant, #childsupport, #NBA, #NYKnicks, #PhilJackson, #paternity, #NewYork, #Millions



  1. This was a great article. Up on current events, the comedy, use of common black family one liners makes it a fun read. I literally laughed out loud and had to re-read things (just to laugh again). Man I wish I could write like this!

    1. Thank you. Will try and keep them coming

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