Two women walk into a restaurant. Their enthusiastic greetings make it clear that the two share a strong bond and probably have not seen in each other in a while. They order wine and Carpaccio to start and while waiting on the main course they talk…and talk…and talk… A bottle of wine and 2 hours later, they hug at the valet promising to minimally do this bi-monthly. Women are generally so much more evolved than men. We need a game, cute waitresses and plates of wings and beers as excuses to get together. In those settings the most personal discussions are always masked in jokes and ribbing each other…sensitivity is never on the menu.
So two weeks later these two female friends talk on the phone and suddenly it all goes wrong. An insensitive remark to a previously shared intimate detail emerges and one of the women is sure shade was just delivered. Instead of just addressing it at the time it is said, the offended calls on her tribunal. If home, the unassuming husband or boyfriend might be the first to be asked, but his passive unsurety is quickly dismissed… time to ask her other girls. Quickly it is determined that the offending party is a hater and clearly has passive aggressive issues. Eventually the two see each other, the tension is obvious, and after some initial defensiveness the two eventually address the issue. There is some heated discussion…perhaps some tears… but eventually they peace it out and decide that their friendship needs more days like the dinner…time spent enjoying each other’s company…reminders of the affection that clearly exists…until it doesn’t.
My fictional accounting is playing out by the thousands as we speak. I poke fun, and cannot even say it is a problem that this is how some woman interact and communicate with each other. It is just generally foreign for some men. We are cavemen. Evolved cavemen perhaps, but ones who still rather grunt and high five each other than share any real or intimate details about our lives with each other. Part of being more evolved communicators is perhaps over-communicating and over-sharing with those that are not always deserving of knowing all of our business.
Do not beat me up for this clear overgeneralization, but some women have very interesting and complex relationships in which the lines are totally blended between them being friends and enemies. Frenemies is not a new word or expression, but as a man who has much more definitive relationships, both good and bad, I am still amazed at how complex some of you women are, particularly with each other.
I have said it before, men are primarily simple and dumb. Our base needs generally dominate and dictate our very existence and no matter how smart or accomplished a man is, it is generally not difficult to figure out what makes him tick. Men want money, power and women/sex. Even the most accomplished intellect is not immune to these most basic wants and needs. Of course men are not immune to having these type of complex and confusing relationships, but I think it is fairly safe to say it is much more common amongst women.
As men we generally do not understand frenemies. We have the same few friends forever and when those friendships go bad for whatever reason we keep it moving. We don’t try and analyze why or make things better. Women are more analytical in that sense. They try harder in relationships. This is their gift and curse. So guys, when you see two female friends who seem like enemies today…keep your opinions to yourself, because that very same “hater” will be at your birthday party back with her bestie like they were never apart.
I understand I am part of the less evolved species, particularly when it comes to communication. But, the simplicity of my relationships is all my simple mind can take. I will leave the ebb and flow of having to decipher the intentions of those close to me to others. It definitely keeps my Christmas giving list to a manageable number.