Five letters that, when truly sincere, can have so much impact and meaning to so many.
Until fairly recently I had rarely apologized in my life. Of course “my bad” easily rolled off my tongue after I fouled a little too hard in ball or came to close to hitting a pedestrian at a crosswalk, but these inadvertent mistakes fell far below what most would call serious offenses. The reasons I rarely apologized were not because I do not think I have been or done wrongs. The arrogant opposite in fact. I rarely apologized because most of my infractions were purposeful. Call it some type of warped perversion in thinking that I was somehow ethically intact for not giving false apologizes for intentional behavior.
Now before some of you tell me I am a sociopath, let me clarify just slightly.
I have always felt that one of the most disingenuous things a person can do is simply say sorry once they have been caught and confronted in doing wrong. Sorry for being caught is a lot different than having true and genuine remorse for one’s actions.
Nothing is more annoying than seeing some politician, athlete or celebrity on television streaming crocodile tears with a Public Relations scripted apology for their transgressions. Those scenarios are generally as sincere as courtroom footage of defendants making emotional sentencing statements pleading for forgiveness and leniency after convictions for heinous crimes.
Everyone is sorry after they get caught. There may even be true sincerity in those scenarios. I admit that nothing on the subject is truly black or white. However, even to the extent that there may be a grey area, I will always question any apology that comes after someone has been caught or admonished.
Don’t look at me like that. Yeah you…I see you looking at me like I’m crazy at the innuendo that people should start confessing to their spouses for all of their indiscretions… Not at all, if you meant to do it own it…I do not know anything about confession being good for the soul…My motto is always shut up an lawyer up. If that doesn’t work you could always just play this
However, for those that aren’t suffering from a guilty conscience, the point of this piece is to really examine how important identifying our wrongs are and saying sorry to the people we have effected.
It may be true that we are at times unaware of the effects of our actions on others. I consider myself extremely self-aware, yet have to admit that it sometimes takes me a while to realize the reach or extent of my actions on others. Often it is not until I have been made aware of someone’s feelings, that I realize I have hurt them.
That is the time when sorry is not only appropriate but needed. In my old school thinking, I felt that words were hollow, even meaningless and I needed to somehow apologize or show contrition through my actions. Words have the potential to be both; hollow and the most powerful.
I am generalizing of course, but people do not want excuses, rationalizing and justifications served with their apologies. They want sincerity, in the form of a heartfelt acknowledgement of the wrong and hurt caused as well as the actual apology with the clear distinct phrasing “I’M SORRY”.
The words by themselves are not a cure all…hell you may not even be forgiven, but it is the minimum requirement and starting point in trying to right wrongs. The five letters are an important tool in allowing healing and closure and just as importantly in helping to move forward.
If the words don’t come easily you can always try playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvORziVer6s
If you enjoyed this piece, read others in diaryofamadmind.com
#sorry, #apology, #sincerity, #healing
