LOOKING FORWARD

I have been accused of being cold most of my adult life. The accusations were not (usually) that I was uncaring, but just generally emotionless and without apparent feeling. I, of course, disagree. I would think that I was cautious, mixed with a degree of realism and pragmatism. Normally I would acknowledge a bit of semantics to these type of arguments, but in this case I can acknowledge the ability to see what others saw in me and still say they were not totally on point.

For many years I had simply learned to mute my expectations so significantly that I appeared to be unexcited and unaffected by anything and everything. Growing up with minimal resources, you either learn to want everything or adapt to expecting nothing. I chose the latter with a twist.

I learned quickly that you could never be disappointed if you never expected anything specially from anyone. Yet, despite the outward stance of low expectations, inwardly wanting a life that was drastically different is what ultimately drove me to try and achieve beyond the expectations of my lot in life.

That drive is what fueled me for so many years. In fact it still exists today, but at some point I realized that my propensity to guard against expectation, and in effect disappointment, were hindering me from actually enjoying some of the fruits of that driven labor. I had become so accustomed to being guarded, that I was not really allowing myself joy outside of brief moments.

Long walks with my first four legged companion served as the reflective impetus to enjoy my blessings more fully. It also spurred my ability to finally experience something most people have done since childhood; looking forward to things. When you have conditioned yourself to never expect things that you may not get or to count on people that may not be reliable, it is easy to forget what most people take for granted.

I am still ultimately realistic and pragmatic. I am probably incapable of achieving the level of highs that many of you can feel and experience, but by contrast I also probably do not experience the depths of the lows that many do. More importantly now, I feel. I enjoy things… I enjoy life and I actually now have the capacity to look forward to things. I am still guarded to a degree. Perhaps guarded is not the proper designation. I manage my expectations (I know there go those semantics again). Whatever it may be called, I finally have a better understanding of why people place so much merit in looking forward to something, and I highly recommend it to all.

Life, with its monotony, challenges and unpredictability deserves maximizing all of the good it offers. I am a staunch proponent of living in the moment, enjoying every day and staying immersed in understanding the blessings I have been conveyed. Yet, life also affords the opportunity to look ahead, and in looking ahead there should moments, things and people we look forward to in our lives. We may have less control of the outcome for the life that is in front of us (hence a management of the expectations), but there is something nice about looking forward to possibilities, whatever they may be.

Is there a threat or possibility that things and/or people may fall short of the ideals that we looked forward to? Of course, but that does not change the premise that we all deserve the right to look forward to moments in our lives. No one can tell you what that should mean for you, but if you manage expectations, even slightly, looking forward can always remain a most positive facet of our life’s journey.

#lookingforward, #life, #realistic, #pragmatic, #enjoyinglife, #livinglife, #livinginthemoment, #inspiraational, #posibilities, #managingexpectations