Believe Em

“A friend once said, and I found to be true

That everyday people, they lie to God too

So what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you”

Lauryn Hill- “Forgive Them Father”

 

People really are who they are. No, this is not a paraphrasing of Popeye, but one of those fundamental truisms in life. Now many people will portray themselves as something they are not, they will be on their best behavior or hide their crazy long enough to fool you…but sooner than later they will not be able to keep subjugating their true selves.

We rationalize, justify and defend the actions of those close to us (or those we wish were close). Loyalty is one of the greatest traits that one can have, so I find it admirable to defend the virtue of family and friends, but sometimes “it just is what it is” and “they just are who they are.”

We all know that liar (I know it isn’t just me). Hell we all know the varying degree of liars. From the wild exaggerator, who can’t tell a story without over embellishing to the pathological who couldn’t tell the truth if free money was at the end of the tale. Yet, we all still act surprised when they try us. Why the surprise? They should be more surprised at the fact that you thought they were going to be any different than usual.

It’s not just about lying. Believe people when then tell or show you who they are. If someone tells you they are a player…believe them. If someone tells you they are an asshole…believe them. If someone tells you they are a “Hustler” ….believe them. If someone shows you they are verbally abusive… believe that is who they are in part. If someone is violent to you or others… believe they have an issue.

Is this to say that people cannot change or get better? In most cases I am cynical and would say no. However, I do believe that change can come from someone identifying that they have an issue and getting some help in rectifying whatever those issues may be. I also believe people are capable of change thru growth, but that change and growth isn’t possible without a truthful self-assessment.

This piece is not just about vilifying others for being dishonest or simply imperfect. It is more about the accountability we must take for denying or ignoring all the truths that are displayed for our benefit (or detriment). It is not always easy to understand or decipher others’ but in most cases if verbal clues are not given there are surely actions or other signs to take into account whom we give our trust, love, money and children.

When you invest in a grown ass man who has no track record of success, don’t get mad at him. Perhaps you liked his idea or believed he needed a chance. That is all fine, but understand his track record or lack of one is a good indicator that your investment was at best a risky proposition. When you lend money to family or a friend who has an inconsistent history of paying people back, how mad can you really be at him or her for being who they have probably always been.

I am not excusing bad behavior. I am just saying that we all need to take more stock in the decisions we make and the trust we confer onto people who are probably not so deserving.

This seems like such a cynical view on humanity. Perhaps it is to a degree. But I don’t look at it as people having some nefarious agenda to hurt you (though those people unfortunately do exist), but more a reality check that people will simply do what you allow of them and most often what they have consistently displayed as character traits.

Life isn’t always easy. We just don’t need to make it more difficult. Trust your instincts when dealing with people and most importantly believe they are who they show themselves to be. If unsure slow down and assess your dealing with them, personally, professionally until you are. Vet or at the very least if you don’t trust your own instincts consult others you do. It’s an unromantic way of dealing with people, but one to surely help you.