I think most people choose to stay in questionable relationships, because the option of dating these days is a far scarier prospect than staying with someone who cant stand you, but may cook or at least pay part of the rent.
I am no dating expert that is for sure. I have never liked it and admit to being particularly bad at it. I was always smart enough to know what I should do or say when dating, but too dumb and stubborn to actually do the things expected. Like many elements of my life, I am all too qualified to write the “how not to” as opposed to how to version for dating.
So, much of what I write comes from input and conversations with friends.
Dating is all based on lies! People put on their best acts to try and not reveal their true selves. Men channel gentlemen they never consistently show themselves to be, subjugating their perverseness to hide the deviant they do not want to be shown as until she has succumbed to avoiding all reason and dignity.
Women try and hide their crazy at least long enough to get thru the meal and possibly onto a second date. It’s generally not that difficult after all, since men are usually so blinded by their own suppressed demons and tunnel vision to cleavage and pronounced posteriors.
People are not their true selves during the dating process. Hell they know who they really are, and understand showing you that person right from the beginning will not generally get them anywhere. No one wants to hear about your real life stress or crazy baby mother/father. No one wants to know that you have unidentified mommy/daddy issues with self-destructive tendencies. No one wants to hear about your trials and tribulations as a man of color as an excuse as to why you are currently in between jobs and/or behind in child support.
Everyone claims they want honesty… but do they really? Perhaps people do not want to be blatantly lied to about direct questions: i.e. are you involved and do you have any violent felonies on your resume…specially related to domestic abuse or stalking? No one wants those lies… but it is probably okay to not truly reveal who you are at least until someone determines whether or not the sex is worth all the additional hassles.
I joke…but really not…
Now that’s the actual dating part. Meeting, as you get older is even more difficult. Meeting Mr. or Ms. Right becomes more complex the older you get. The club is fertile ground for meeting in your teens and 20s… after that, not so much. First off as you get older, you realize that the club lighting is not your friend. Men looking like Jerome in the house with yuck mouths and wearing fake jewelry that can only be shown at night and in club lighting. The club is filled with women with fake breast, fake butts, hair that’s leaving burros shivering in cold Mexican nights, making you order extra drinks to lessen already non-existent club standards.
So as the club becomes less of an option and bad experiences have people finally learning not to S*** where they eat at work, then people resort to online dating.
I do not know exactly what a catfish is or why people do it, but evidently people get brand new in how they represent themselves in online profiles.
Women, how shall I say this nicely, of “healthy” body types seem to be magicians in the pictures they send with mastery of angles that either focus on cleavage (clearly the average man’s kryptonite) or never show full length straight ahead shots. If you are big own it or lose weight. If you own it I am sure that there are many men who are attracted to that, don’t hide it. Note to women: these great reveals in person are not in your interest men are simplistically visual and if you are not honest it can lead to bad results more time than not.
Men are probably the opposite. They reveal too much. Guys, unless its your women and she misses you, I get the distinct impression that most women think shirtless bathroom selfies are super cheesy only rivaled by pictures of you next to your Camaro or your man’s Benz. Guys treat online dating like a creative writing class. They invent characters that they either have always wanted to be, or think that all women want.
My jokes belie the optimism I impart to anyone on the subject. Once out of high school and college dating is more difficult. The pool shrinks and the nature of relationships become more complicated as we get older and have more focused needs. Yet, you can never give up. Regardless of how difficult and daunting the prospects are, if you are single, you should never give up on the prospects of meeting someone. There are good people out there, you just cannot let any negativity from your own prior experiences cloud your judgment and willingness to letting good in your life.
#dating, #catfish, #honesty, #nevergiveup, #good, #lies, #onlinedating, #nightclubs
