ADVENTURES OF ADAM (A DUMB A** M****F****)

Mark Twain once said, “”Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” Each month I will lowlight the adventures of ADAM. He is very real but all names and identifying facts will be changed to protect the Dolt. I recount the tales not to embarrass anyone, but more as a cautionary tale for others. But keeping it one hundred…if nothing else they are entertaining tales.

ADAM recently graduated from a very well known University. By all accounts he was a good student, who balanced his academic workload with an intense practice, game and travel schedule for his school’s basketball team. ADAM was a starter for a NCAA tournament team his last two years of school and needless to say like everyone who has ever played, ADAM had hoop dreams of playing in the NBA. Unlike most of us ADAM was Very tall, so his hoop dreams were actually a possibility.

ADAM was not drafted, but only 60 players receive that honor every year. He did receive offers and subsequently played for a team in the NBA Summer League. He received several offers to sign with teams and essentially try out as an un-guaranteed free agent, but instead, with his agents, ADAM decided on the security of his first year by accepting to play in a well known league overseas.

Many have taken this route, successfully and eventually made it to the NBA. Others have made very comfortable livings simply playing their whole careers overseas. ADAM’s path was unclear, but his hoop dreams were alive as he jumped on a plane and landed in Europe. A team rep picked him up and brought him to a beautiful two- bedroom apartment overlooking the sea of one of Europe’s most historic cities.

The team would not begin practicing for a week, so there was considerable downtime to explore. He had been tall nearly his whole life, but his giant status coupled with his dark skin made him stand out far more than he ever remembered. People gawked, pointed and spoke about him. He had no idea what was being said and the initial isolation quickly turned to homesickness.

ADAM and his last college girlfriend had broken up, in part because of the distance and uncertainty of his basketball path. He was about five days in with a few more days to go before he was to have his first interactions with his new team and teammates, when his phone rang. The number did not show up on the phone, but he knew sometimes international numbers did not always register. He normally didn’t answer unfamiliar numbers, but any familiar voice would be welcomed.

However, the female voice on the phone was not familiar. In fact he did not remember her as she recounted where and how they met. She offered to facetime for their call, and while he was still fairly certain they did not know each other, he agreed thinking perhaps seeing her face would be the refresher needed.

Once on facetime, he was fully certain he did not know the attractive and shapely Nigerian woman. He had not been back home in over eight years, but the woman on the screen in front of him was indeed a stranger to him. This was not to say she was not a welcome sight or distraction.

The conversation went from 0 to a hundred real quick, because next thing he knew she was doing a striptease for him. She was down to bra and panties when she suddenly achieved a case of shyness and suggested she could get over it if he joined her. By this time all the blood flow and sensibility had clearly left ADAM’s head and traversed elsewhere on his lanky frame. Within seconds they were both engaged in simultaneous full on video sexting.

All of a sudden the call simply dropped. To say it was anti-climatic would be an understatement to the 10th power. The phone rang again within a minute. He could only muster a “what happened?” when the female caller informed ADAM he had hours to send her $2,000.00 Euros via a western union like service or their just concluded episode would be sent to everyone he knew as well as the internet.

I know many of you saw that one coming. Obviously ADAM did not. He informed her she could continue to F herself and he was not paying and hung up, to immediately try and call his agent. He did not reach him immediately and instead talked to a former teammate who was also from his home country. Within minutes the phone rang again. This time instead of the female it was a male voice over the phone. He had kept his former teammate on the line, initially silent, as the male essentially read his basketball resume to him. He was purposely targeted and if he did not pay it would definitely cost him.

He informed the male that he had yet to be practice or even be paid by the club team and had less than $200.00 dollars to his name until then. His teammate then jumped in fiercely protective saying that ADAM would not pay anything and bluffing that they knew who and where the callers were and they would have people “find and take care of them”. The male caller quickly hung up.

ADAM and his friend knew the rhetoric was filled with bravado that could not be backed up. ADAM nervously laughed at the proverbial bullet he seemed to just dodge when the text notification suddenly came to his phone. The video clearly showed his face amongst other parts of him in the most compromising of positions. Within seconds his friend confirmed that he had received the same text, the one that ADAM now knew went out to everyone of his contacts.

I was not on his contacts, but his agent thankfully shared the story without visual aids. I am sharing the story as a cautionary tale to others…but let’s be real the irony of a Nigerian falling for a Nigerian scam made the story that much more ironic and amusing.

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