I have never feared another man (or woman) in my life. This isn’t the beginning of some type of declaration extolling how tough I think I am, but rather I have just never wasted my time worrying about people in relation to my own pursuit of happiness, well being and even safety. Trust I have always taken the necessary precautions to protect myself and my family, but again this concept of people overall having undue influence on my well being, is not one I have ever expended much energy on.
My unspoken and even unknown nemesis is “time”. The only thing I think I ever truly feared was running out of time before I felt like I could properly complete my life’s journey. How am I not describing death? Perhaps I am to some extent, but it is not dying that I fear… but the idea that I will have run out of time before I have achieved all my goals… had to chance to say sorry and achieve some type of redemption towards anyone that I was not a good enough man towards… before I traveled everywhere I wanted to see and experience… before I completed my bucket list…
Time seems to play cruel tricks on us throughout our lifetime. When we are kids, time seems to take forever. The school days are loooong. Our childhoods and adolescent years are filled with a never-ending stream of “can’t wait” moments. You can’t wait to be big… first kiss… date…you know what’s next… drive… be independent of your parents… make money… be adults…
Then adulthood comes, and everything changes. The truest thing my mother ever told me was on my 30th Birthday, “You will see once you hit 30 time will fly by.” I can’t articulate how true that statement seemed to be, at least for me. From 30 onward, there never seems to be enough time in a day. “Where has the time gone” is somehow invoked in a daily conversation by myself or others, and this can be related to a work day, or two friends catching up and realizing that life is flying by. Our teenage years which seemed to have happened only yesterday, are often replaced by parenting teenagers who feel compelled to let you know how old you are.
As we get older we are reminded that time, along with one’s health, are probably the most precious commodities we have. Health can be worked on… time we never get back. Time is the reminder of unfulfilled promise and dreams. What is most frustrating about time, is that none of us know in advance how much of it we will ever actually have. If you are given some countdown within your mortality timeline, that is generally not a good sign.
So each day, after I wake up and count my blessings, I acknowledge my adversary. My face and body give me reminders in case I wanted to be silly and somehow forget. I make plans, even long term goals. Tomorrow is never promised, let alone years, but I persist in laying out my future plans. I still have so much more to do… to accomplish… to see… to make amends for… I am not desperate, but my sense of urgency is indeed in place.
None of us have any idea how much time we will be afforded. I guesstimate a certain number of healthy, active years. I, of course have no actual idea, but using national averages, I give a ballpark guess to pacify my fears. Most importantly, I respect each day, and try to move forward…closer to the goals and dreams that will hopefully continue to be achieved and with hope, for new ones to evolve.
As every world class athlete knows sooner than most, time is undefeated. I can never beat time, but I will go down swinging to maximize my time and opportunities given. So what was once fear of time running out, dissolved to worry that has now dissipated to mild indigestion. I do not let the moments overwhelm me, because of course that would be a waste of time. So today, like yesterday, and hopefully like tomorrow, I push forward, maximizing my efforts and making the best of whatever time is still part of my plan.
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#time, #life, #journey, #positivity, #adulthood, #adolescence, #death,#fear, #overcomingfear
