Disappointment inevitably is part of life’s reality. We all experience the emotion at some point on varying levels and when it occurs it can be disheartening to say the least.
Life cannot be fully controlled, no matter how hard so many of us try. Situations occur unexpectedly or out of our control and people always have the potential to create variables that could not be planned for or accounted. Ironically, disappointment is something that we do have a fair amount of control over and that control comes in being able to manage expectations. It is hard to be disappointed if your expectations are minimal or reasonable.
This is not a pessimistic premise. Today is not the rant that suggests that people aren’t s***, cant be trusted and if you do not have any expectations of anybody or anything ever than there is no possibility to ever be disappointed. There is of course a level of truth to those statements, but it is so inherently negative and dismissive of the joy that comes within life’s journey, that it cannot be promoted here (at least not today). If you allow yourself to succumb to guarding against disappointment by negating people altogether, then you also eliminate part of the joy of living that comes with interacting with people.
Instead let us focus on the balancing act. When it comes to life in general, managing expectations is about striking that right (and admittedly difficult) balance between dreaming big, but not setting up unrealistic expectations. It’s about being optimistic, but reserving space not necessarily for failure, but bracing for worst case scenarios.
It’s about not only putting in the time and work for success, but also mental preparation to make sure your resiliency goes unchallenged if things do not work as planned.
When it comes to people, it is inherently more complicated, though it does not have to be. People are complex, yet simple. They are erratic, yet predictable. I know what I sound like, and that is essentially the point. People will be people… frustrating, wonderful, manipulative, caring, consistently inconsistent and contradictory. Most of us are unable to totally isolate ourselves, so the solution is not to withdraw to guard against disappointment, but to manage our expectations of others.
People cannot disappoint but so much if you do not expect anything from them. Again, this is not the same as a pessimistic viewing of humanity, as much as it is on just understanding people are imperfect and regardless of promises or obligations, people often fall short. It is not a pleasant reality, but it does not have to fall to the level of true hurt and disappointment if put into perspective.
Sometimes it is personal, and that is not easy pill to swallow, but even so if you understand the possibility of anyone not coming thru, you understand not to give too much weight to any situation or person in having ultimate control over your happiness or destiny. Once you reach adulthood, that job and control falls strictly on oneself.
Disappointment is truly one of life’s inevitabilities. Yet, as we get older we come to realize that we have the ultimate control in mitigating disappointment thru managing the expectations we place on outside individuals and situations. Just understanding that there is disappointment, is the first step toward managing how much affect adversity can have on us.
#manageexpectations, #expectations, #people, #disappointment, #optimism, #pessimism, #adversity
